she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
