I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
