I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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