How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
