actually, I'm a sock model
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
