Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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