Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
