Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
mondays should just be called national damage control day
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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