I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
