the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
