Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
