fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She's the barista slut.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
