i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
