i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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