she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
we should paint friendship bongs
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
