So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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