while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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