He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize