so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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