her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
