She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
