I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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