haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
