i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
