Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
