Please, let me fuck your mom
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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