I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
