Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
