woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
