wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
