4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
