then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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