I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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