she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
as a side note pls kill me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
