That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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