you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize