I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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