cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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