Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
