OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
