Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
