New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
