We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
