just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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