Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
