remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
not ubering you a puppy
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
