I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
