Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
