What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
