Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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