____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
