i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
