You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
