chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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