We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
