You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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