I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
