is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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