Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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