I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
