I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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