I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize