I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize