Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
