No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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